My latest purchase of pure delight, an antique pewter cup and saucer. It has a fabulous spot for an engraving. I will have to see if there is any local place that does engraving. I want my porringer engraved too.
Yesterday, I tried to binge but it was almost as though I did not have it in me. I bought a package of biscuits and one of caramel bars and 3 buns. I had the buns with butter and cheese and a nice hot pot of tea. The caramel bars which have been my favourite now taste off somehow, like they lack the lustre they once had. The same with the biscuits, the last time I had them I marvelled over how lovely they were, now they simply tasted sweet and cloying. I am so glad at this point in my binge career that the UK packages are tiny compared to American super sized everything. Still, I could not finish the biscuits, I gave up and felt horribly stuffed the rest of the day, making dinner once again a painful ordeal and all I end up longing for is to go to bed to stretch out. What I am noting, is the ability to eat a lot at one time is getting less. While that’s ultimately the best thing to happen, I am secretly fearing a digestive malady that may be taking root. Not keen on that.
Of right now, I am in the ugh stage, where overeating sounds nauseating to me. However, to break that pattern, it’s best I don;t play out the next act, which is claiming I will never do THAT again with fake resolute tones. Noble, but it’s the same old empty promises I never keep anyways.
Patterns do change though. It’s all circumstantial. A thousand years ago (before marriage) I would load up goodies for the weekend as a purely indulgent debauchery all for me. No one could intrude on that little world. Now, it is Mondays. I know I am trying to create my own little world again, but it lacks conviction these days. Bingeing is a suppression technique, a smarmy concoction of self punishment and creative retaliation mixed with a proper dose of rebellion. I am growing bored with it. I have spent 30 years eating because I felt resentment, now I feel resentment over eating.
Enough of that prattle, what I really want to delve into is the idea that today, I need to be able to get from early breakfast (5am) to lunch time (maybe 11am) without eating. I want to do this, even though I know I will find myself becoming a drama queen, nearly passing out from hunger and the want of a biscuit with my tea. I’ve developed the dreadful habit of watching East Enders, Coronation Street and Emmerdale with a pot of tea and nibbles. I broke the habit of eating popcorn in theatre’s, I can break this tea time debauchery too!
Yesterday I ate 2 porringers and one binge.
B- 2 eggs, 2 rashers, 2 cups of coffee with double cream
Binge- 1 package caramel squares, 1/2 package of jam biscuits, 3 buns with butter and cheese, 3 pots of tea
D- 2 cumberlands, sweetheart cabbage, roasted carrot, butter, 1 glass of wine.
after dinner coffee – 2 cups with double cream