I just returned from the shops and I need to write about it. The task at hand was to pick up a package from the post office and I was annoyed at the rain and the high customs fee for simple birthday gift. It was outrageous to pay ransom for my gift!
Anyways, I then wanted to stop at the pharmacy and semi chem for a potential something or other to help my digestion woes. There is not the variety here as in America and other than one small box of fibre packets that was loaded with aspartame and other un-savouries, nothing at all in the fibre, cleansing or gut flora help. I saw charcoal tablets which made me smile, I remember my grandmother taking those for her stomach aches. I decided not to get anything. But I noticed the creeping urge come upon me to get a treat. My mind began to remind me how miserable I was, in the rain, cold and wet. I moaned in commiseration that I did not find any help for my digestion. It offered soothing advice at how perhaps a roll from the bakery (right next to the pharmacy) or even a few packets of biscuits at the grocery store would be so nice to come home to eat. I imagined the hot steaming pot of tea and the delicious goody. I was heading into the war zone.
Had I not just written about the ED voice in the last couple of posts? Was I not suffering discomfort because I need to help my system calm down from whatever the irritant is? Does it make any sense to binge NOW? What I needed to do, I told myself was to go home pronto, make the tea and have some plain yogurt. I actually stood in the rain trying to make up my mind. In a panic, I popped into a charity shop and looked around to distract myself. I still struggled. Should I or shouldn’t I? I made it to the shop closest to our flat and walked around inside trying to find something besides food that would appease whatever this need that was wide open was.
I always keep an eye out for unique bowls or plates and as I looked through them, I reminded myself that I no longer need to hunt for bowls. I have found the right bowl, my pewter porringer. There may be prettier ones, there may be ones that are very unique, but the bowl I have is perfect as is. I took a deep breath and walked away from another urge. I went home, made the tea, had some yogurt and opened the gift. It was a wool shawl, exactly what I really needed in this cold Scottish place. Warm and cosy, I wrapped my shoulders and smiled. I am glad I did not buy binge foods. Very glad. I was so close to doing it. Sigh.