I wanted to walk today, but it has been raining hard this morning and the moment the rain took a break, I headed to the shops to get the necessary foods for the next few days.
I was quite nervous and feeling vulnerable as I walked down the food aisles. I was annoyingly hungry too because it was my binge time (8-10 am). I try to avoid this time period to shop for food because I have a history of giving in to buying binge foods. I grabbed the carrots, heavy cream, plain yogurt, and was delighted to find the duck pate on sale. I also found a treat for the evening my husband goes to his Christmas party at work. A bag of in-the-shell monkey nuts. I plan on roasting them and having wine for my party.
I then went to check the sale shelves and as I was attempting to look at the items, a store clerk decided to jump in front of me and re-arrange the shelves! I stood back, thinking it was something quick she needed to do, but no, each time I moved forward to look at an item, she push in front of me to move an item. Mind you, she was not stocking the shelf, she was just moving things around. I became frustrated as she took no notice that a customer was interested in purchasing goods, so I did something I so rarely do in public, I got mad. I said out loud, I guess it’s best I will come back when you are done, and walked away. She ran after me asking me what I meant. I told her that I thought it was rude to prevent a customer from accessing the shelves in a shop. She said sorry and that she would come back later. I felt a bit shaken from being outspoken like that and that in itself would have been a definite trigger to grab biscuits or something more but I took a deep breath and looked at shampoos until I felt composed enough to go and pay for my items.
I am not a fragile sort of person, in fact it bothered me that I got disproportionately angry at a clueless person. I was more worried that I would allow the incident be bigger than it was and let it be an excuse to binge over it. Eating food, I remind myself has no connection to people’s behaviour, nor my reaction to it. Eating food is for nourishing my body and if I can wrap my head around it, it is also for pleasing me in a healthy way.
The next shop I need eggs, brussel sprouts and something for my lunches. I forgot which meat I wanted to get for dinner tomorrow, and grabbed chicken breasts and after getting home, I realised it was minced beef I wants for cottage pie. Grrr. That means going to the shop and going through this all over again tomorrow. I decided on sausages for my future lunches and I grabbed an extra rashers. This was all good, my eyes only occasionally glanced over the binge foods. I was trying not to make too much eye contact and that helped. I made it out alive and with only the items I needed and the chicken error.
Although I was loaded down with the bags of food, I could not resist stopping into the charity shop and bought my first UK Christmas decoration! It was a golden pine cone candle holder and a candle stick that has the days to Christmas on the side. £1 made me smile, it is so pretty and will go nicely on the table for dinner time. I also saw that they had small Christmas trees for £3-5 and I wanted to get one, but thought I would see what was available at the other shops first. So it appears that we can have a tree after all, even if it is very small.
I made it through the crisis time, it is soon time for lunch and a pot of tea and see what is going on my favourite soaps.