Let Them Eat Cake

It is afternoon as I am writing today, long past the usual time.  The whole day feels off and I am exhausted from who knows what.

Yesterday’s meals:
Porringer 1- 2 eggs, 2 rashers
Porringer 2- jack maloney sausages, grated carrot
Porringer 3- minced beef, roasted carrot, roasted brussel sprouts, sautéed onion, 2T brown gravy

Yesterday’s drinks:
3 pots of tea
1 glass of wine
4 cups of coffee with 2 tsp. double cream in each

L101154Two really weird things messed with my thinking yesterday.  One, was that husband wanted treats early on in the day.  He asked before leaving if I wanted anything from the bakery.  I said no.  He was in a playful mood and said he might bring something home for me anyways.  I said it wasn’t necessary, I was fine without.  I gave it no more thought until I saw that he had 2 fairly large wrapped packages of bakery items and something else in a bag.  He said it was hard to decide, so he got several cakes.  All day, they sat on the desk hidden in their wrapping and I thought about how I was going to have to deal with the whole thing at evening coffee.  Lots of things went through my head, like going for it, denying it, and if I did eat them, regretting it.  There wasn’t a huge pull towards it, because the second weird thing that happened is that my appetite finally hit zero.  Ketosis has kicked in and I feel it. 

2012-11-05 022

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Our local bakery.

When evening coffee time finally happened, I took a deep breath as I prepared my answer of a polite no and feeling a bit guilty since he obviously bought more than the usual two pieces of cake for himself.  I felt he wanted to have a shared festive evening and while I was trying to make a desperate last minute decision, I saw that he simply pulled the packages closer to his computer, put his headphones on and began to eat.  He wasn’t sharing!  I was practically in shock.  More in shock later, when he opened a bag of candy and ate that and my jaw dropped when he then made cheese and ryvita.  This was right after eating a full dinner.  What shocked me was that all of this would have been a binge for me and I never thought of what my husband eats as a binge.  Did my husband just binge?  My head wasn’t wrapping itself around this situation.  I felt like I had been busted upside the head and asking wha’ happened?

I wasn’t sure what to make of it.  Did I feel slighted and left out of the one person party?  Did I feel relief that I did not have to go through the process of denying myself bakery cakes?  Was I resentful?  Was I wondering why husband was eating more than usual?  A couple of days ago I would have really reacted badly to it all and probably ranted about it.  Yesterday had such a weird aura to it and my appetite was so significantly down that I sort of let it all wash aside.  What’s the big deal?  So he eats and I don’t.  I didn’t end up with a tummy ache later, nor did I fall into the pit of regret.  I continued knitting and let it slide by me.

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3 thoughts on “Let Them Eat Cake

  1. nothingeverstaysthesame says:

    I know Ive already commented today but idk, one of my biggest regrets was quitting the keto diet so I kinda want to help someone stick with it xD Have you tried making pancakes or cakes with almond flour and soya milk? Gets rid of sweet craving and you dont feel left out! It was actually my life saver during the evenings 🙂

    • I have on rare occasions tried various mock recipes, but in the end, it is like keeping the craving alive for me rather than just letting it go. Here, I am able to get extra thick double cream which is the most heavenly thing I have ever come across that I can use as a dessert just as it is without sweeteners. But even with that, I try not to convince myself I need a dessert. It’s such a fine balance to keep; not feeling deprived of certain foods and yet not letting the notion I deserve them all the time. I will consider the cream for Christmas and let my husband find his own treats this year. I really want to stay right here on the ketogenic level as long as I can.

      • nothingeverstaysthesame says:

        Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I was always going over my calorie limit because in my head I felt that denying myself carbohydrates meant I could compensate by eating as much as I wanted, which was clearly wrong. I wish you luck but I know you’ll do well simply because you seem so determined!

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