Porringer 1- 2 eggs, 2 rashers, 2 cup coffee with 4 tsp. double cream
Porringer 2- pot of tea, pot of pate
Porringer 3- glass of wine, kebab meat, swede, leek, curry sauce
Evening coffee- 2 cup coffee with 4 tsp. double cream, 3 humbugs, 2 chocolates
Later- pot of tea, 2 slices cheddar, 3 slices salami
With husband’s many days off, we have been slipping into staying up later, usually midnight and getting up around 7-8am. As we eat dinner at 4-5pm, we do get hungry later. I have continued to stay with my porringer and found that the bit of cheese and salami is plenty to satisfy those late night hours.
I had planned on writing up a big 2012 review of all that affected my eating choices, going over it in minute detail, but here, today, on Hogmanay, I am not really wanting to do it. I would much rather take care of today and let the past year and the new year be and become what it did or will. I am putting on my Zen hat today.
2012 was indeed a year I won’t soon forget. I lived in Hawaii, Colorado and Scotland. I played with my grandchildren, swam in the Pacific ocean, walked my grandson to school every day in the tropical misty rain. I re-joined husband in Colorado and together, we let go of 90% of all we owned and shipped the 10% to the UK. We visited London and Stonehenge, drove up through Wales and the English country side to our new home in Scotland. What an amazing adventure that was! It was fun getting to know our new home, getting the chance to see Edinburgh and Lock Lomond before turning in the car rental. Never did such an adventure ever seem possible to me, and here I am living it.
Lately, I have been feeling a sense of peacefulness and calm. I have not been overly reactive to the perpetual small binges I keep alive. I have not reprimanded myself or allowed the new year diet hoopla get under my skin. When I am calm, I am less reactive and less likely to over react and make rash decisions that are not going to solve the issue at hand. I have felt the pull several times to begin the new year with watertight weight loss resolutions and then I smile and realize that what nonsense that all is. Sounds noble, seems plausible and yet it has never been the true catalyst to change. 2012 brought a lot of changes for me, but I think starting the Pewter Porringer blog has helped me understand my disordered thoughts about myself, my eating and the path I really want to take to let wellbeing blossom and thrive.
My few remaining not-so-optimal eating decisions are very easy to remedy without making it a major battle cry of reform. There is no overhaul to accomplish, I do not need to start at square one, I am well on my way as it is. I need to continue to practice the teachings of Buddha and allow myself to fully experience the here and now by being present in my own life. The porringer continues to be my guide that keeps eating in balance. For 2013, I want to drop all eating out of hand and eat exclusively from the porringer to see what that experience brings me. I also want to let go of built up resentments, fears and stop the grumpy old woman from taking residence in my body, heart and mind.
There are a few celebratory foods for today planned. I am making husband lamb chops for dinner and I am having steamed cod with melted butter. With that, creamed spinach and he gets his beloved potatoes. We have an extraordinary bottle of wine to go with it. Later, closer to midnight, I will prepare a cheese and salami tray, husband will get ryvita and we will have an Irish coffee (with whisky) to go with it. There are two small bars of dark chocolate and a box of 7 ice cream snickers bars. Of that stuff, I do not know what I will have, because I have learned not to plan or make rules about food in advance, because it sets off ED like nothing else. I keep my mind clear so that he hasn’t anything to say and I decide at the last minute what to have or not have, letting how I feel in that moment take care of itself. It took me a very long time to trust myself in making decisions, I use to believe that if I did not have a plan in place I would fail. What a joke that was, because all the planning in advance never kept me from bingeing if that is what ED got the upper hand in. If ED knows I am resolute on not eating something, I can be damned sure he’ll find a way to change my mind! Why give him that power? Keep him guessing always works to MY advantage.
So Happy New Years to all of you! Keep on dancing!