Porringer 1- 2 eggs, 2 rashers
Porringer 2- mixed nuts
Porringer 3- few slices of German salami
Porringer 4- 3 cumberlands, cabbage, turnip, carrot, onion
3 pots of tea
1 glass of wine
1/2 pint Guinness
4 cups of coffee with 2 tsp. double cream in each
Cooking the cabbage, turnip, carrot, onion mixture. You can see my porringer warming up in the back area.
The cumberlands before they are browned.
November has been a terribly challenging month for me. A birthday month, a transitional month and a dedication to getting my eating stabilized away from bingeing. I had only 1 binge in November, on my birthday. Granted, there were a few situations that helped me not binge; husband was home for a week early in the month and I did not have to deal with Thanksgiving (or Halloween for that matter, which candy leftovers use to stray into November). It’s been a challenge to get the binge beast asleep, but at least I can claim he is officially slumbering because of what happened yesterday.
It was the day I needed to shop for the treats I was sending to my family for Christmas, a taste of Scotland. This meant purposely confronting the teacakes and biscuits head on, mulling over them, handling them, taking them home and worrying about having leftovers that won’t fit into the box. Here was stage for the potential binge, with all kinds of predictable ED thinking about to use the mega horn.
Before I left, I carefully studied the two boxes I had to send the treats in to get a feel for how much they could hold. I made a list of the types of goodies to go in each box, more child oriented stuff for the grandchildren, more cooking related stuff for my parents. That gave me something to hold and look at while in the store, reminding me there was a purpose and this was not a free-for-all binge quest. Off I went and found myself going about it just fine. I saw a small packet of mixed nuts on sale, so I bought that as a low carb treat just in case ED decided to speak up. Amazingly, he did not. Not one sound was uttered! I was really surprized by this.
When I got home, I heated the nuts in the oven and the amount filled my porringer about 3/4 full. I put on some Christmas music, busied myself with wrapping the packages and snacked on the nuts. I was disappointed in them, they were stale and tasteless. I ate about half and poured the rest back into the bag (which husband relished when he got home). He kept telling me that he thought they tasted good and then it hit me, my appetite is dropping so fast now that nothing tastes as good as it did before ketosis hit. Now that I think back on it, at the beginning of the week, I noticed that the dinners had a distinct nutmeg flavour which was odd. I didn’t like it. I think this was the changeover point, from burning carbs for fuel to burning fat.
I felt sort of nauseated the rest of the day from the nuts and I wondered why I had craved them so since leaving America. They no longer appeal to me as a meal, perhaps a few at a time, but I remember when I could not stop eating them before this.
Later in the day, I had a few slices of paper thin sliced salami which was just to settle the queasiness of the nuts in my stomach. It was really odd to me that all these biscuits in my hands and in my face did not stir up ED at all.
Everything is now boxed, addressed and ready to go to the post office this morning. Tomorrow, husband has his work Christmas party and will be gone for the afternoon. I had bought a bottle of port (which I stashed away) for my own little Christmas party and also bought a bag previously of monkey nuts to roast in the oven. But now it does not appeal to me at all. I don’t want an excess of anything.
What is really weird, is that I can say that and still not comprehend it. Not want an excess? How can this be? Here’s my chance to binge, sight unseen, in the glory of privacy and under the disguise of a deserved pity party. Husband will be having fun, I want to have fun too! But as I am writing this, it feels all so hollow and untrue. I want to feel good, not stuffed and tipsy. I want to feel sharp and clear, not tired and dull from drink. As soon as I can wrap my head around the switch being flipped into the off position, I am sure I will gladly embrace the change. Ketosis, I love you!