Yesterday’s Meals:

Porringer 1- 2 eggs, 2 rashers, 2 cups coffee with 4 tsp double cream
Porringer 2- pot of tea, risengrod, butter
Porringer 3- 1 glass of wine, chicken, sausage, roasted root veggies

Evening coffee- 2 cups coffee with 4 tsp double cream, 4 chocolates

I was pretty ill all of yesterday.  At two in the morning I awoke and had trouble falling back asleep, but I did notice I felt hungry.  A rare sensation these days!  It was almost pleasant to feel hungry.  It was a welcomed feeling.  That meant my digestive track was on the mend.  And why was I hungry?  I remembered that I only had 3 porringers of food yesterday and what a wonderful difference that made.  I had wanted to get the grains out and worried about the rice, but it was one of those, lets not waste food already made and so I thought I would stay sick longer, but it must have been easier on the digestive track than wheat.  Wheat makes my insides turn inside out.  Still, even if it doesn’t bother me intestinally, it does jack up the blood sugar, so that is reason enough to leave it alone.  It is gone now.  I think I forgot to post a photo of risengrod on this blog:

Christmas 2012 035

I didn’t have the Guinness with it yesterday, this photo is from Christmas Day.  It was what we had for lunch.  It’s short grained rice cooked in milk and sprinkled with cinnamon and a knob of butter added.

Husband gave me a new mobile phone for Christmas.  I never hope for anything romantic, that’s just not him.  No baubles or bangles, no perfume, no engraved rings or watches will ever be under the tree. In 9 years of marriage, I have not received one single flower.  I have received wonderful gifts and he is always generous with letting me purchase something I may have my eye on, but coming strictly from him, it will always be practical.

This year it was a mobile phone.  It’s also an insistent reminder that he wants to me go to work.  We have a home phone so there is no need for me to have a mobile unless I am working.  This morning he accidentally on purpose remarked about the jobs he saw online, wow, what a subtle hint that was.  And so it begins in earnest….I will have to actively job seek which I do not wish to do.  That depresses the hell out of me.  Resentment can be a huge trigger, so I will have to watch for ED to use this against me.  Still, I feel animosity towards my Christmas gift, wishing it had been something more, well, frivolous and feminine.  I suppose I should be grateful it wasn’t a frying pan.  I remember my father and I bought one for my mother and she cried when she opened it.  We were floored, thinking it would help her in the kitchen!  We saw her as a cook, cleaner and housewife.  Now I understand why she cried.  I will have to return to work and still keep house, cook and do laundry.  Why would I need a ring or perfume?  Silly me, I’d be happier with a Hoover!

vintage hoover ad (1)

The poor mobile phone is getting the brunt of my insecurities.  Job hunting being obese is one thing, being obese AND 57 is another.  Having never worked in the UK and all of my past references are long gone, will be a black mark (they are big on current and local references here).  My career was in banking and accounting and I refuse to go back to it, I am burnt out.  I worked solidly from 1974 to 2009 (and April of 2011 to April 2012) and I am not relishing jumping back into the game at all.  I do not know the area well enough to find job interviews and I have yet to ride the bus on my own.  Here, you have to tell the bus driver where your stop is and he tells you how much it will cost.  I still have to look at the coins to read the amount on them.  So this is all intimidating.  Oh well.  No sense getting worked up about it just yet.  One thing at a time and right now, I need to concentrate on getting those grains out of my body.